“After all this time?”


was his reply. He loved, he lost, he lived, and then he died.

Was Snape right in holding onto his love forever?

Surely he could have been so much a happier if he had tried to get over it…maybe it’s just me, inexperienced in love as I am, but after such a terrible blow, I think I would want to forget everything.

Let the pain go, start anew. Maybe that’s what he was trying to do, before Voldemort killed Lily, at which point he grabbed  everything he had left of her and hugged it close.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love Snape and I love the way Jo tied everything up by finally revealing his loyalties, but I think that perhaps he was a little too…I’m not sure how to say it honestly…I think he was being silly (keep reading, I’m not a heartless jerk,) in holding onto her that long. I know he loved her, but at some point, wouldn’t she have wanted him to forget?

I haven’t loved anyone in a romantic sense, and part of me hopes that I never will (explanation will come in a later post if necessary) but it seems logical to me that if you really love someone, and they die because of you, the best thing to do to protect yourself is to try and forget.

That is a REALLY cold thing to say…sorry…

But if I’m correct, love isn’t logical. It’s not rational, it’s not like math, you can’t write down a formula and make it work (but if someone’s found that formula, I’d like to see it!)

I have thought about love for years, I think everyone has. It’s one of those timeless topics that has no answer and is readily available at all times to ponder. I’m afraid I have quite a chilly view of love. It scares me sometimes. Being able to throw away everything else for one person scares me a lot. Hmmm…guess I won’t need that article explaining why I don’t want to fall in love, I might as well explain it now.

There are lots of people I love, but I’m not sure I want to fall in love, if you see the difference. I guess the romanticism is what decides love from in love. I’m afraid to give everything to a person who isn’t blood family to me. Isn’t it counter productive? To borrow a friend’s words, “running for office as an apolitical party!” (I sure hope you’re reading this Smile with tongue out) Once again, looking at things from a cold and selfish point of view, helping someone who does not carry your genes goes against nature (unless it’s for survival of a species, but that’s another idea altogether) and as I said, the idea scares me.

I’m afraid of giving everything to someone who might not give anything back. I don’t want someone to steal my life and then say I gave it to him. You could say I’m afraid of commitment, but that’s not what it is at all. I’m afraid of lack of commitment. Love is a scary thing for me.

And yet I know that it’s a wonderful thing that people are “blessed” to find. Don’t get me wrong, the idea is enchanting, it’s the reality that sometimes makes me shiver.

Oh gods I’m making it sound so terrible! Gahhh I’m sorry, I’ll look this over during daylight hours. Writing at midnight depresses and freezes me.  Metaphorically, it freezes me metaphorically. Not literally. I live in Canada but…my room is an oven. Also not literally, my room is just really warm. I’m babbling. It’s midnight. I need to sleep because I need to have energy to study for summatives. And exams. Crud. Exams. And improv. And karate. Did I mention my foot is bleeding below the skin? It’s icky. I’m never doing cardio kickboxing without shoes again. I’m babbling. I said that already. What a terrible way to end a post. Mmm, oh well…see ya’ll in the morning. I am bloody TIRED.


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